Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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