You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
