Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
