you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
