You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
