NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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