Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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