dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
