He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
