i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just blew my weed a kiss
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
