normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
