Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
