i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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