I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
