I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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