if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
