Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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