the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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