dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
