you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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