no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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