evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
