So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
