i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
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Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
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I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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