Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
