I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
