yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
