Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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