Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with

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(970): View more from Colorado

Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.

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(661): View more from California

Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.

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(706): View more from Georgia

It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...

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(563): View more from Iowa

Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.

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(575): View more from New Mexico

They took my balls.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face

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(248): View more from Michigan

I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.

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