We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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