Swine flu is the new snow day.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
