Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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