hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
