I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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