You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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