Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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