2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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