i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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