either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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