Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
