its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
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Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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