i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
