does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just pynch a tree in the face
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
