It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
being pregnant is like rehab
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The air taste purple.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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