I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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