ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
