Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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