I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
