thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
