I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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