How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize