Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
