Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We need to get me chipped asap
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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