Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
