I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
