YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
