my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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