it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
