no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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