I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
