i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
