I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
