What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
