Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
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Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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